REEL LIFE WOMAN VS REAL LIFE WOMAN

Pritha waltzed in gaily from work. She was one of the lucky ones who had a doting mom in law waiting for her at home, with a hot cup of coffee and tasty snacks ready for her to tuck into. After freshening up, she curled up on the sofa beside her Mom in law and in cheery camaraderie set about surfing the channels.

‘There was this unwitting hardworking daughter in law being surrounded on all sides by her in laws and they take immense pleasure in subjecting her to hard chores. On top of that, pregnant as she was , she was being made to subject to an un wanted abortion. When she declined to do so, the mom in law plotted with her sons to subject the unsuspecting daughter in law to an over dose of electrical shock, while ironing clothes, wherein she would naturally lose the baby.’

This was what the horrified duo Pritha and her mom in law watched in disgust and outrage. In sheer disgust, Pritha switched off the TV, and they decided never ever to condone such soap operas.

This is the typical scenario that unfolds in most households’ .It actually calls for some very serious thought as to why producers of TV serials portray women as the persecuted daughter in law, and the mother in law as the conniving punishing witch. Isn’t it high time we bid goodbye to these stale images of women?

Are these reel women, the real women of the 21^st century? The real woman is eons away from what is being portrayed on both the silver screen as well as the small screen.

TV serials can be an accomplice to gender based discrimination by resorting to portraying stereotypical, sensational images of women through these programs. In a world that is still largely dominated by men, what gets produced most often by way of soap operas are the age old, tried and tested, traditional , male perspective being doled out to the masses. While, once, as women we were motivated and inspired by strong women characters like Rajni and Kalyani of Udaan in the late 1980’s, now we are saddled with an endless collection of popularly watched serials on varied channels- ‘Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi, pavithra rishta, baliga vadhu, ; travel down South and you have the Sindhu- Bhairavi and more from Tamil channels and the soap opera ‘ Sthree dhanam’ ( Dowry) in Malayalam.

Most of these project the home scenario or the domestic sphere as the core setting and the fundamental theme revolves around familial relationships. A woman’s achievement in life is valued in terms of their success and responsibility undertaken in running a successful household, settling down in marital bliss, giving birth to children and her constant endeavor to raise them as ideal human beings. Most themes center on a strong sense of good and bad and are tainted in white and black with no grey shades in between. All these roles typify a patriarchal mindset where the docile wife is favored while women in power or career women are portrayed as vile, selfish, self centered or arrogant.

The working woman is sometimes portrayed as ultra modern, sporting a plunging neckline, with short hair, and who is bold, heartless, conniving and perfect in the art of seduction. Modernity in these serials is confused with debasement of morals and ideals. We are still stuck with projecting our women as the age old ‘pativrata’; and motherhood in serials is over glorified, placing serious emotional pressure on women watching these shows. Do stop to think whether we need to transfer these values, characterizations, and standards that are being projected for the younger generation to emulate.

All women in most soap operas are heavily made up, don expensive jewelry and sometimes, the viewers feel as though one serial just merges into the next!

Yet another genre of soap operas portrays women as the unrealistic superwoman, the super wife, super daughter in law or the super mom. She is required to display loyalty, compassion, devotion and her domain is her home. Her greatness lies in her being a doormat, being self evasive to the extreme and is the panacea for all ills that plague her family. Some even go to jail for crimes they never committed. In the end, they always win but not before going through hell, tears and physical violence. Not only do they go through hell, they also drag their viewers along with them, the unsuspecting hapless victims who happen to be endlessly addicted to these serials. Thus, the producers of these soap operas can hardly be blamed for attempting to produce these alleged money spinners.

Our serials show a rising trend in extra marital relationships as well. Does it condone the dilution of our moral standards? Are we blindly aping the west without giving serious thought to its impact on the present generation?

Are these reel women the role models that we want our youngsters to emulate? Do we want to see our girls as idealistic pativratas? Or do we teach them the values of mutual trust, companionship, love and devotion in a relationship? Is there an arming link between the present state of mental confusion, distorted perceptions, imbalanced view points, rising number of pre and extra marital relationships among the youth with the portrayal of relationships on TV? Are our young girls and boys torn between past and present values, face societal pressures to fit into age old role models while striving to pursue ambitions and aspirations of their own?

Aren’t these soap operas the reason behind the identity crisis being faced by the generation of today, resulting in rising rates of crime against women, increase in suicide rates, and incidents of drug abuse? All these calls for some serious thought on the entire issue of projecting women  thus on TV and in the media in general.

Is any one listening?

WEAVING COCOONS OF BONHOMIE

Sometimes, I wonder how some people manage to keep their balance, no matter what life throws at them. Indeed, living had become a hectic rigmarole for me, with no sign of respite in between the mad rat race. Every single day, I I assured myself that I would finish all my tasks and projects for the day or week, and then indulge in some much needed “me” time, create space for myself for some much needed self care and self nurturing to happen. Days whizzed past and I was hardly close to indulging myself in any self care. I loved to read, listen to music, dance but my work and home took up all my time and even weekends jut whizzed past, leaving me drained physically and emotionally .I realized that I was desperately seeking balance in life. And of course, the secret to life balance is taking a break.
 Well, taking a break doesn’t always have to mean going away on vacation. Sometimes, the best way to take a break can be to refocus our efforts on something new, something that you have always been drawn to. I mentally surrendered myself to the Divine and decided to let Him show me the way to regaining balance and focus in life. It was a Friday and I decided to indulge myself in a spree of window shopping. Just traversing through the streets brought me to an exclusive boutique in Chennai, rightly named the Silkworm Boutique. 

After an hour of fruitful indulgence in lovely silk saris and kurtis and after having made a sample buy, as I was just making my way out, Hisham, the boutique’s owner, gently slid an invite into my hands. “Mam, this is for you. Every year we host a cultural event exclusively for our clientele, at Spaces, in Besant Nagar. It’s always on Sunday, at 7.30 AM. Please do come, I am sure you would love it’- he smiled disarmingly. Caught unawares, but pleasantly surprised, I pushed it into my handbag. On reaching home, I casually browsed through the invite and was intrigued to find that the noted contemporary pianist Anil Srinivasan was collaborating with noted singer Sikkil Gurucharan and performing the coming Sunday at Spaces in Elliot’s Road, Besant Nagar. And yes, it was to be at 7.30 AM in the morning! I knew I just had to be there. Maybe this was how the Universe was responding to my call for a welcome respite from the hum drum of day to day living. As Sunday dawned, I was in two minds. Do I feel motivated enough to haul myself out of bed and drive down to Spaces to attend a musical concert? Or do I snuggle myself deep into bed for the Sunday morning long snooze? My better instinct won out thankfully and before I knew it, was driving down to the venue. The verdant ambience of the place thrilled me .I knew I had made the right decision in coming. I was also pleasantly surprised to see quite a turn out at the venue, as early as 7 on a Sunday morning! 

People milled around in comfortable silence, casually sipping on cups of tea or chatting amicably with their friends. There was peace and quiet and a comfortably amicable camaraderie that prevailed all around. Even though it was my first time there, people warmly welcomed me by greeting me with bright friendly smiles. At 7.30 sharp, the recital commenced with a short introduction by both Anil Srinivasan and Sikkil Gurucharan. I settled down comfortably in my chair and allowed the soft strains of the music to wash all over me, cleansing my soul and rejuvenating my sagging spirits. From the well known ‘ Jagadhodharana, by Purandaradasa, the famous duo proceeded to pay homage to Toscanini by performing the piece titled the Silk Handkerchief, a piano variation of Tanamalika, expertly executed by Anil Srinivasan . It was followed by the popular’ Sitran siru’ by Sikkil Gurucharan, accompanied on the piano by Anil Srinivasan and as a fitting finale to the recital, concluded with a thillana by the musical genius Swati Thirunal. As the soothing strains of music washed over me, I felt energized and renovated from deep within. I felt all the stress and strain of the past few weeks draining out of me completely. The soulful rendering had done wonders to me, and left me feeling awed.

 I felt deep gratitude to the hosts of the show, especially to Hisham for having invited me to this musical recital, as early as on a Sunday morning. ‘Energies are high in the morning and music or a dance recital leaves you feeling highly charged, enervated and rejuvenated emotionally and spiritually. It gets you connected to your deep self. Moreover, the whole show goes on for just two hours. By 10, you are back home and the entire Sunday is yours’- clarifies Anil Srinivasan. Wow! That definitely makes sense. A year whizzed past but the early morning musical extravaganza had taught me to delve deep within me and to take time to love and nurture myself on a regular basis. Apart from work, I took time each day to do something exclusively for myself, like reading my favorite novel, listen to music, watch a movie or venture out on long nature strolls. In early January this year, I was thrilled to note an invite on my Face book page for yet another exclusive cultural event at Spaces. This time, it was for a dance recital by the well known dance duo Dhriti Vaidyanathan and Kiran Rajagopalan. The recital was titled the “Roots’, yet another cultural show hosted by Silkworm Boutique. I had no doubts as to whether I would be going. I was back at Spaces, I knew what I was in for and I could hardly contain m y excitement. Dhriti and Kiran transported me back to a timeless era. The mudras and the nimble foot work had me in raptures. The thala, bhava and raga moved me beyond words. 
Along with Kiran and Dhriti, even the verdant greenery and all our hearts swayed gently and rhythmically to the music and dance. These early morning recitals have helped transport all of us to a space deep within ourselves, that lies untouched, unexplored and most importantly, untainted by the rigors of time.

 I had learnt to strike a balance in life.